Love and Breast Wishes

9/8/22          Day #95     I need to preface this post by saying that I had typed this entire entry only to hit a button and it disappeared.  Right on par for this title.  Story of my life.     Today marks 3 weeks since my double mastectomy.  I was praying and preparing for this day for months and it felt like it was taking forever to get here.  And now I am on the other side and can say it feels like a cat 5 hurricane just swept through my life.  Even though I had warning and many preparations I am here assessing the damage, taking stock of whats left, trying to pick up the broken pieces, and figuring out how to move forward.       We arrive on time at the hospital and check in.  I put on my "costume" and perform my last tasks for preparation.  First thing is mapping for sentinel node dissection.  So they wheel me down to Nuclear Medicine.  As the elevator doors close I catch a glimpse of my reflection in the shiny steel elevator doors.  Wheelchair, socks, gown, mask, hair

 8/17/22          Day #73     Here we are, the night before my surgery.  Almost felt like it would never happen, right?  I'm sitting in my bed after performing one of my two showers.  I'm reading and rereading my prep material to make sure I get it all correct.  It was a whole month ago that they gave it to me and went over it before my original surgery date.  Surgical soap, body wipes, no lotions, no makeup, no nothing !  So the least I could do was give my hair a good blow out.  I know I'm going to be doped up on all the pain meds, but I want to wake up and feel a little bit like a human.  So if doing my hair is ridiculous then so be it!  My body is ready.     A breast friend of mine from my support group gave me her power recliner chair for me to sleep in.  She said she used it for months and it was the best!  So that's in my room next to my bed.  I've taken out the clothes I anticipate wearing so that I don't have to worry about pulling out drawers.  Any ite

 8/8/22           Day #64       **I'd like to preface this entry by saying I'm positive I will make a mistake and say something incorrect (since my "medical training" is only 2 months strong).  But this is my interpretation.       One week from Thursday!!! FINALLY!!! Surgery day is so close I can taste it.  I'm still looking over my shoulder and laying low but I feel we're in the homestretch... of this stage at least.     Some have asked, "so what is the surgery"? And then I realized I haven't even told you!  Let me back up a few steps and start from the buffet of options and why I chose what I chose.     When I first met with my medical oncologist she went over my biopsy results and what they call "tumor markers", which is basically a fancy term for what your specific tumor is and its characteristics.  These characteristics consist of size, grade (how fast the cells grow), stage (is it localized or has it spread), and hormone receptors

 8/4/22          Day #61       Well it's been 2 months since D-Day (diagnosis day, and ironically the real D-Day).  I'm still here.  Still waiting.  Still walking around with cancer.  Still not knowing what my treatment plan is after surgery.  Still feeling shooting pains across my breasts and wondering "is it growing?  has it spread?"     I am physically feeling better, thank goodness. Covid seems to be out of my system.  No lingering signs or symptoms.  I'm walking and (attempting) exercising everyday.  My definition of working out is different now.  Walking Louie and doing some pilates on my phone app have taken the place of the intense HIIT bootcamp style classes I used to do.  But I'm ok with that.  I'm giving my body some grace and remembering 1. I'm 39 and not 20 anymore 2. I've given birth to 2 human beings (1 being 9 1/2 lbs!) 3. I have cancer and my future treatments are going to wreak havoc on my body and I will never look/feel the same

     7/26/22          Day#51          Today is the day I married my best friend.  Fourteen years ago we went to the altar and said "I do" in front of God, our families, and our friends.  Let's be honest.. we had NO idea what we were doing!  Don't get me wrong, we were madly in love and knew we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together.  We were done dating and thought we knew ourselves and what we wanted in life.  And thankfully fate (or God, whichever you choose) brought us together one September night at a bar in Annapolis.  Neil was fresh out of a relationship and I was married to my dream of being a performer!  My career was starting with my first job lined up out of college.  I was hired on my first cruise ship as a singer/dancer.  Neil was in his last year at the US Naval Academy and had his sights set on being a modern day Maverick.  Needless to say both of us were not looking for a relationship.  But life had other plans.  Better plans.      This day 14

 6/18/22          Day #43     It's the day before my scheduled surgery.  I've been waiting for over a month for this.  I've googled all the things, YouTubed all the things, joined all the support groups, and purchased all the button down cozy shirts and pillows I can find.  My parents drove 13 hours to get here.  My kids are scheduled for play dates and camps.  Friends have signed up to bring us meals on Meal Train.  Neil and I went on our final date, Mom and I went to the spa, I've put checks in all the boxes on my mile long list of to-do's before surgery.  Everything was going to plan until....     I woke up the morning of our spa day with a heaviness in my chest and a dry cough.  The kids had some sniffles and sneezes the past few days so I chalked it up to allergies.  The next day was my pre-op appointment.  The hour and a half appointment consisted of blood draw, EKG, Covid test, and going over the packet of things to do and things not to do days leading up to